When I was a baby I cried for no reason and did things without knowing the major consequences of my actions. In elementary school I was diagnosed with cancer that demanded a lot of attention and financial responsibility. As I continued to grow I went through numerous teenage stages that I know, at times, left me unbearable to be around. However, through all those situations my family never left me. My two best friends stuck by my side. How important is consistency and sustainability in your life? For me, it’s high priority. I take it very seriously because I know there will be times I will be the most annoying unbearable person to be around. Yet, I still need people in my life to help guide me through these phases, as I would for them. We just have to decide as individuals how much we are wiling to tolerate and for who do we raise our tolerance for?
Based off my last blog you know that I have been a little bit of an emotional rollercoaster however, my family represents stability and consistency in my life. They have put up with all the things I have put them through, and I have done the same for them because we’re worth it for each other. This past weekend was definitely a fulfilling and exciting time. My family was in town! It was a blessing to see my dad, mom, twin brother and older sister drive all the way from Texas and Kentucky to spend time with me. Texas is home for me, but I was born in Salisbury, Maryland about 3 hours outside of DC. It’s been years since we’ve been back, but being so close we took advantage of the opportunity to visit my old neighborhood. Driving down Salisbury roads I began reminiscing of my childhood memories. Rows and rows of corn, a pond, Ben, Brittany, Kevin, school buses, and 28260 Canterbury came to mind. I saw most of those memories and smiled knowing how they have deeply impacted my life.
We grew up about 45minutes from the ocean if we traveled to Ocean City, Md. I couldn’t wait to jump in and let the waters have me. As a young child I loved absolutely loved the water. However, as I got older and let vanity sink into me as I convinced myself I didn’t like swimming, public pools anything to that nature that gave me an excuse to keep my prosthesis on and scars covered. Yet, I no longer want to live in that fear and anxiety, I want to be free!! I had to start somewhere, so when I went to the ocean I walked with my head held high and my mind in the zone of happiness instead of fear.
People stared hard as I striped more than the clothes off my back but a body part so I could freely jump in the ocean, but I felt okay with their stares. They stared at a type of person they have never seen before, or even if they have because I look different than an average person they are used to. Yet, I can handle their stares because I have parents who look at me with the same love they do their other children. I am strong enough to handle excruciating looks that would cause others to live a life of self doubt because those close to me consistently showed me through their actions they can love and stay with me regardless of my disabilities or any faults I’ve possessed. Now that is not the only reason I’m strong, nor should it be others foundation of strength. It has to be a foundation of spiritual and intrinsic value you gain. However, the point of this blog is to express the difference consistency can make in one’s life. I strive to always be a person who stands by those I love through ups and downs because that’s what true character is. What about you?
Monday, July 25, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Lessons of Love
Passion and love is something I always want to hold onto; never anger and resentment. This summer has been touching the essence of what it means to be Keri Gray on every level possible, including my love life. I have grown academically, personally, professionally and spiritually. Deep, right? However, I never thought it would affect me in the area of love.
Now may not be the best time to write this blog on how I feel about love because the way I felt two days ago has changes numerous times since up to today. However, I feel compelled to share in moments of confusion and inconsistency because I know at least one other person can relate to me.
I met a guy here in DC the very first day I was in town. I mean I was off the plane, put my things down in the apartment, socialized with my new roommates, and then out at a store I made a connection that would deeply impact my life. Our relationship moved very fast, but surprising I was okay with that. See I had always been a person to hold back tremendously out of fear of the unknown, but being that way never would lead me to being real with myself or the one I was with. When I came upon this new man who deep interested me, I choose to be different open up and trust as much as I could. We were happy. Yes, definitely had our arguments and definitely had our issues, but we were happy. That is until Friday.
It has been said everything happens for a reason. We live and we learn from all the actions that happen in our life. Then I have to ask the question, why was it necessary for me to learn the message so harshly? I feel blinded on what the message given to me is because a pain dwells within my chest so powerful that I can not see clearly. What should I do? What lessons on love have you learned? How did you get past the pain to see the message at the end of the road? This is where I am at on my emotional journey thus far…waiting.
Now may not be the best time to write this blog on how I feel about love because the way I felt two days ago has changes numerous times since up to today. However, I feel compelled to share in moments of confusion and inconsistency because I know at least one other person can relate to me.
I met a guy here in DC the very first day I was in town. I mean I was off the plane, put my things down in the apartment, socialized with my new roommates, and then out at a store I made a connection that would deeply impact my life. Our relationship moved very fast, but surprising I was okay with that. See I had always been a person to hold back tremendously out of fear of the unknown, but being that way never would lead me to being real with myself or the one I was with. When I came upon this new man who deep interested me, I choose to be different open up and trust as much as I could. We were happy. Yes, definitely had our arguments and definitely had our issues, but we were happy. That is until Friday.
It has been said everything happens for a reason. We live and we learn from all the actions that happen in our life. Then I have to ask the question, why was it necessary for me to learn the message so harshly? I feel blinded on what the message given to me is because a pain dwells within my chest so powerful that I can not see clearly. What should I do? What lessons on love have you learned? How did you get past the pain to see the message at the end of the road? This is where I am at on my emotional journey thus far…waiting.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Memories formed by the Harbor
The ocean’s waves, french fries with vinegar and great sea food are on my list of favorite things. This past Saturday I was able to experience a segment these things when my mentor and I traveled to Baltimore, Maryland to invest in each other’s company by the harbor through deep reflection, discussion and of course shopping!
As mentioned in my previous blogs I was born in Maryland, but I have not been back to visit for quite some time now. When I received an invitation from Andraea to travel to Baltimore I was ecstatic and touched. How many people truly set aside to time to build on their relationship? How many mentors make the time to truly mentor the one they’re with? I know I have one who does, and she sets the standards for me in the future.
Traveling by train and then transferring to a light rail we made it to our destination in about 30min. As soon as we stepped off the platform I felt the power of Ice Cubes lyrics “today was a good day!” I could feel that’s how it would turn out. Very casually we strolled down about two blocks and ran right into the Harbor. Beauty is the word I’ll use to describe it. Beauty because of its physical nature of water, and boats and tall building, but mainly beauty because in that moment we were creating a memory in both our lives we would never forget. Throughout the day we talked about love, loss, fears, relationships, spirituality, men and memories that have shaped us to who we are. This summer experience is something I will be forever greatful for because it continuously sets a precedent of standards that I want nothing more than to excel in. Yes, Saturday was a good day.
As mentioned in my previous blogs I was born in Maryland, but I have not been back to visit for quite some time now. When I received an invitation from Andraea to travel to Baltimore I was ecstatic and touched. How many people truly set aside to time to build on their relationship? How many mentors make the time to truly mentor the one they’re with? I know I have one who does, and she sets the standards for me in the future.
Traveling by train and then transferring to a light rail we made it to our destination in about 30min. As soon as we stepped off the platform I felt the power of Ice Cubes lyrics “today was a good day!” I could feel that’s how it would turn out. Very casually we strolled down about two blocks and ran right into the Harbor. Beauty is the word I’ll use to describe it. Beauty because of its physical nature of water, and boats and tall building, but mainly beauty because in that moment we were creating a memory in both our lives we would never forget. Throughout the day we talked about love, loss, fears, relationships, spirituality, men and memories that have shaped us to who we are. This summer experience is something I will be forever greatful for because it continuously sets a precedent of standards that I want nothing more than to excel in. Yes, Saturday was a good day.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
National Ball Park
I was raised in Texas, but born in Maryland. As a young child I have memories of going out to baseball games to watch various Minor League teams. Thoughts of popcorn, peanuts, hotdogs, cotton candy and so much more reminds me of those times many years ago. Even though I was never a sports person I always felt the atmosphere of a baseball game was one of the best sports environments to be in. With constant chants and songs such as “take me out to the ball game” it was hard not to feel very interactive with the game and connected to the team.
Even though I had attended a few games in some of my youngest years, I don’t know much about baseball, if at all. However, I was blessed with the opportunity to attend the Nationals double hitter baseball game Saturday July 2nd, Washington verses Pirates. The best way I know how to describe it for others who as well who aren’t informed about baseball, is basically it was like attending the “Super bowl” of Major League baseball, just a bit of a step up from the games of my childhood. I was excited because I haven’t been to a baseball game in awhile! Every metro stop was packed with people wearing some form of red or national t-shirts, and I was happy to be a part of the excitement. I walked in the stadium went up to the Verizon Box, where we were located right behind Home Plate. Amazing tickets! Attending a baseball game is just one of those experiences that if even if you’re not a fan I would recommend. Every second is filled with intensity and the crowd doing what they can to stay excited.
It was great being there with other AAPD interns. A special thank you to the sponsor who had tickets to spare because truly it was an amazing fun-filled experience, and can’t forget about the fireworks after the game that finished off the night well!
Even though I had attended a few games in some of my youngest years, I don’t know much about baseball, if at all. However, I was blessed with the opportunity to attend the Nationals double hitter baseball game Saturday July 2nd, Washington verses Pirates. The best way I know how to describe it for others who as well who aren’t informed about baseball, is basically it was like attending the “Super bowl” of Major League baseball, just a bit of a step up from the games of my childhood. I was excited because I haven’t been to a baseball game in awhile! Every metro stop was packed with people wearing some form of red or national t-shirts, and I was happy to be a part of the excitement. I walked in the stadium went up to the Verizon Box, where we were located right behind Home Plate. Amazing tickets! Attending a baseball game is just one of those experiences that if even if you’re not a fan I would recommend. Every second is filled with intensity and the crowd doing what they can to stay excited.
It was great being there with other AAPD interns. A special thank you to the sponsor who had tickets to spare because truly it was an amazing fun-filled experience, and can’t forget about the fireworks after the game that finished off the night well!
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